This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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