For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
