You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
