I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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