Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
