why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
