Sry I called you an 8
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
