Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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