Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
