I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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