Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
