And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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