Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
