Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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