Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
