I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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