Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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