Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
