Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
