If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
