i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
