She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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