How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
