I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's shark week go big or go home
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
