This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
