he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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