Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
