Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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