So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
