in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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