You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
