Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
