I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
