it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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