I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
