i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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