My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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