So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
