We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
