Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
