please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
