So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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