please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
