I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
