The maid of honor just puked.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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