I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
