Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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