Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
