I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
