you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
