life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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