My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
