Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
