our cab driver is having phone sex.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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