Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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